Grumble say if can’t convince a dog wag his tail, then better examine conscience. If that not work, give steak. Still not work, get cat.

Grumble say welcome to terrible world of Grumble, where Grumble answer all question and fix all problem.

Now, what happen today? Not care! Grumble say about what happen last week when terrible Sheltie puppies infest House of Grumble. Puny Spook man and horrible Spook wife bring home five bad kind of puppies. Smell like cheese. Found hiding under big banana on wheels used to move awful children back and forth school.

Take puppies doctor, get checkup, all good shape. Then bring to House of Grumble and wash till smell like repulsive lily flower. Give toys, watch destroy House of Grumble, chew Atari games.

Grumble say, “Not eat puppies.” Puppies chomp Grumble.
Grumble say, “Not chomp Grumble!” Puppies play hide-seek in Grumble coat. Grumble roar, “Ack! Tickles!” Puppies rush Grumble, lick face, make puddles. Where puppies store all that puddle water?

Grumble give up, let climb and chomp on Grumble. Sharp teeth like baby velociraptors impress, dismay. Nanny dogs Hannah and Georgie agree.

Little monster chomps have supper, go to bed. Grumble pretend tasting, kiss each on head, get fuzz in mouth. Next day, go see lady give them new homes to chomp, make puddles.

Now Grumble house not “Yap! Yap!” noisy. Not get constant lick lick lick face, smell terrible puppy breath. Not get slobbery Grumble coat anymore.

All got new homes, all safe. Grumble wonder what terrible monster puppies doing now. Not forget. Think house very quiet.

Grumble go stomp around, make noise, eat sandwich, pet nanny dogs.

See more pictures of terrible Sheltie puppies here.

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Category: Grumble Say   Tags: dog pictures, dog rescue, dogs, sheltie puppies, shelties

And they be yucky.

Category: Halloween   Tags: grumble, Monsters, pumpkin monster

It’s April 13 and I’m already behind schedule.

A pyramid of paper skulls, having accumulated like dust bunnies, grins like … um, like you would expect. This peanut gallery watches everything that goes on in the Spook Shop, and it’s especially interested in this advanced prototype Grumblesque critter.

When he ships out next month, he will represent a complete Grumble re-design, which is important, since your old pal Spook’s old pal Grumble was officially decommissioned last November. It was a solemn moment, and I admit that it took a while to get up the nerve to put a cloth over his face and saw off his head. Grumbles and Phoenixes have a lot in common, mainly a fondness for setting fires, so he’ll be back, and better than he was before; better, stronger, faster.

Experimental gargoyles occupy the number two slot on the 2010 project list, followed by “Gutter Bats”, and a slew of new tombstones. Spooky Hollow has experienced a haunted housing shortage and needs to expand. Especially with the upcoming horde of new creatures.

We’re trying out all sorts of new ideas this season, and I’m looking forward to seeing what will happen. Mrs. Spookyblue is looking forward to that Capsela-looking thing relocating back to the garage and out of the big chair in the living room.

Category: Halloween   Tags: capsela, gargoyle, grumble

…I get a headache.

Whilst padding to the kitchen this morning to set the coffee maker to sputtering, I passed the front picture window and performed a perfect three-point double-take. Staring angrily back at me through the glass was what appeared, at first, to be a huge metallic bulldog. Now, when I say huge, I mean to say that its open maw and flashing eyes completely filled the window in a way that was most uncustomary.

Naturally, I hit the floor, but not before leaving a skull-shaped dent in the ceiling. Several subsequent minutes spent hiding under the piano revealed no new developments, so I guessed it was safe enough to dare a second look. There it stood, still staring through my window, motionless. Morning sunlight shafted down through the skylight, making it difficult to see details through the haze of ceiling Spackle that still sifted through the air, so I inched forward for a better view.

Details began to coalesce, and I perceived a symmetrical pattern of lines, like a tattoo, that converged to draw my eye to a wide plate with letters stamped upon it.

It read “F R E I G H T L I N E R“.

Snug harbor, being a “peculiar fold in space-time”, is sort of like the Bermuda Triangle in reverse. Things don’t necessarily disappear around here as show up. Mostly in the form of a dog, coyote, or goldfish-pilfering pterodactyl. We have grown accustomed to such appearances, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised, one day, to see a visiting Bigfoot having a go at the back porch swing. We keep a camera with fresh batteries next to the door for that sort of thing.

What I had never expected, but what has nevertheless resolved to occupy the flower bed beyond our picture window, was a 1974 silver and blue Freightliner semi. They’re like the Spanish Inquisition in that way.

There are only two reasonable explanations for this phenomenon, and the most compelling points squarely at Europe where the CERN folks have been playing with their fully armed and operational Large Hadron Collider. We’ve suspected for some time that the quest for the so-called God Particle would ultimately trigger an earth shattering kaboom, a black hole, or possibly open the gates to some unsavory universe filled with unsavory things. Like cats.

And if the LHC manages an end run around the other things that traditionally end worlds, specifically, heads of state and their idiocracies, then I expect it all to culminate in a single, distinct Fritz Feld-like “Pop!”

In any case, and until then, I have renamed the truck “Frightliner”, and have acquainted myself with its 13-speed transmission. It is now parked in the driveway with 11 speeds still intact. It seemed prudent to clear what appears to be a localized vortex or inter-dimensional drop zone for whatever next piece of flotsam should fall through to visit our flower bed. This explains all the Cornetto wrappers that have lately been seen blowing across the lawn.

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Oh, the second, less compelling explanation? It’s April First, and Mrs. Spookyblue holds a grudge.

Category: Stuff   Tags: april fool, freightliner, frightliner, large hadron collider, LHC