Would you like to have more friends, or even just one? Someone who will appreciate the time and meticulous detail you’ve invested in your authentic Starfleet Admiral’s uniform? Got a cat that needs a worthy staring opponent?

In an ongoing effort to clear space and make some extra glue money, I just got the repair bill for the old rattletrap (Ignition coils cost how much?). So, we offer up for sale this first generation pre-owned groundbreaker zombie.

« SALE PENDING »

Description:

• Built in 2006, this zombie skeleton critter has appeared in the Spooky Hollow outdoor haunt display for three years.
• (Basically) rugged paper mache construction was sealed against the elements (sort of) in ’06, which means that he never got any soggier than our other graveyard monsters.
• Sturdy wood base, no hands (Look, ma!), and original rust dresses up the coat hanger bits protruding from his wrists. (Tetanus booster shot is recommended)

Physical Dimensions:

• Beats me. About what you would expect, I suppose. I’ve never measured him. Details .. details.

Desirable features:

• Recumbent body style.
• Some cracked/broken arm bones, and loose, in-need-of-repair “stringy sinewy stuff” add to the quality of the overall decay.
• Original graveyard patina (Dirt – lots of that).
• Smells like a potato.

Price:

• $135 $100 $95 $79.50 + Shipping (as is). Make Offer
• Refurb service available.
• Estimated shipping: No idea. Any overage will be refunded.

How do I buy this … thing?

• We’re taking the quick and dirty approach, so no fancy “Buy Now!” buttons at the moment. Contact Us Via Email.

Payment Methods:

• After a final agreement has been reached …
• Google Checkout, or
• Money order.

Return Policy:

• Fuggedaboudit.

Seriously? Sounds like a hunk of junk to me.

• Never trust a travelling zombie salesman.

Category: Halloween, Spookyblue Sale   Tags: Zombies for sale

Your old pal Spook gets a lot of mail from folks who, having tried their hand at making a paper mache skull, can’t seem to de-mold the copy without tearing it, poking holes, or jamming a screwdriver under a thumbnail. This makes for a generally unpleasant experience all around.

Frustration is a key ingredient in all sorts of FAIL, to which I attribute some dented trash cans, a collection of snapped dowel rods, and half a dozen tool-shaped holes in the walls of my garage. The following note on the subject, recently hurled in our direction, is … illustrative.

“you need to give alot more info on your paper skull instructions. this method doesn’t work…you can’t get the paper off the skull afterward which ruins it, and the paper doesn’t even remotely resemble a real skull. either you’re leaving out some important steps/tips, or else this is just a big waste of time & cash.”

Hm. Vinegar, mixed with a little oil, makes a nice salad dressing. Spray it on your garden, and you’ll wipe out all the tomatoes.

While I’m not inclined to be overly helpful to this person (Grumble wanted to write today’s post), there are other folks who might be experiencing similar issues with their paper mache skulls, so I updated the project page with some further, possibly helpful, tips.

We enjoy corresponding with all haunters. If you have a story to share, a question for the team, or would like to offer constructive criticism, the Undead Letter Office is open 24-7. All other correspondence is subject to our Grumble Filter.

Category: Halloween   Tags: paper mache skulls

Living near Louisville, Kentucky doesn’t only mean that we have more than our fair share of zombie outbreaks*. There is also this thing that happens here every spring called The Kentucky Derby.

It’s actually a festival that began two weeks ago with the largest fireworks show in the US, and culminates in the “fastest two minutes in sports”. Locals, and the annual parade of visitors from around the world, take it very seriously.

The Derby Hat, a tradition that dates back to 1875, can be found on display just about everywhere in and around Louisville this week.

* “Sir, this is Colonel Glover. I’m sorry to disturb you at this hour, sir, but we’re at Q-2 status.”

“It looks like we’ve found that lost consignment of Easter eggs. Yes, sir, pretty sure. They’ve turned up in Louisville. I’m getting confirmations on this from the Louisville Police Department.”

“Louisville, Kentucky, sir. Well, sir, it would be good news, except that the eggs have hatched.”

~Col Horace Glover Return of The Living Dead

Category: Stuff   Tags: derby hats, kentucky derby

Grumble say if can’t convince a dog wag his tail, then better examine conscience. If that not work, give steak. Still not work, get cat.

Grumble say welcome to terrible world of Grumble, where Grumble answer all question and fix all problem.

Now, what happen today? Not care! Grumble say about what happen last week when terrible Sheltie puppies infest House of Grumble. Puny Spook man and horrible Spook wife bring home five bad kind of puppies. Smell like cheese. Found hiding under big banana on wheels used to move awful children back and forth school.

Take puppies doctor, get checkup, all good shape. Then bring to House of Grumble and wash till smell like repulsive lily flower. Give toys, watch destroy House of Grumble, chew Atari games.

Grumble say, “Not eat puppies.” Puppies chomp Grumble.
Grumble say, “Not chomp Grumble!” Puppies play hide-seek in Grumble coat. Grumble roar, “Ack! Tickles!” Puppies rush Grumble, lick face, make puddles. Where puppies store all that puddle water?

Grumble give up, let climb and chomp on Grumble. Sharp teeth like baby velociraptors impress, dismay. Nanny dogs Hannah and Georgie agree.

Little monster chomps have supper, go to bed. Grumble pretend tasting, kiss each on head, get fuzz in mouth. Next day, go see lady give them new homes to chomp, make puddles.

Now Grumble house not “Yap! Yap!” noisy. Not get constant lick lick lick face, smell terrible puppy breath. Not get slobbery Grumble coat anymore.

All got new homes, all safe. Grumble wonder what terrible monster puppies doing now. Not forget. Think house very quiet.

Grumble go stomp around, make noise, eat sandwich, pet nanny dogs.

See more pictures of terrible Sheltie puppies here.

Category: Grumble Say   Tags: dog pictures, dog rescue, dogs, sheltie puppies, shelties