From the dead letter office…

Minion Shellhawk recently polled a small pack of haunters (That group photo would’ve been one for the scrap book) on the issue of off-season storage.

What do you do with your undead hordes, pumpkins, brigands, and collateral clutter for the other 11 months of the year?

Matryoshka.

See, I’ve got this outhouse (still in the front yard) that sort of resembles a mausoleum. Instead of breaking it down, I’m thinking that it would make a fine shelter house for the backyard. A handy cave for a stack of tombstones. It’s a sturdy construction, but it was never intended to weather the elements for longer than a few weeks at a time. The walls are just 1x4s covered in 1″ foam, for Peep’s sake. But it would be criminal to cover it with a tarp.

I suppose we could build a larger, more weatherproof crypt in which to house the mausoleum that is sheltering the tombstones. Or perhaps a smallish Gothic cathedral. From an architectural standpoint, Romanesque may be a better choice for its thick walls, generally shorter stature, and absent flying buttresses. In any case, multiple levels of sarcophagi would be an ideal storage solution.

Or cram everything into the garage, which is the approach that we’ve taken. Indoor decorations are boxed (usually after the holidays…in January) and stored in the basement “stock room”. Everything else goes in the garage. In order to walk into the garage and still be able to breathe, you have to build up. Mark every wall stud you can find, then build shelves. And if you wouldn’t be perfectly happy sitting up there batting cobwebs off the ceiling with the zombies, then it’s not built right.

Those garages with tall ceilings contain a large area of potential storage space above the door. I built two very large heavy duty shelves above mine where the brood lives most of the year. I’ve even pondered hanging a metal basket affair suspended from cables above the door. There are kits available for this type of arrangement.

Caution must be exercised when rummaging through these high places. Especially if there’s the slightest chance that someone might arrive home, perhaps after meeting with the family insurance agent, open that door, and suddenly come into a small fortune. Better to place a sign outside (or not, for the opposite reason) to prevent spindling and mutilation.

Of course, you could just unplug the motor. I never thought of that until just now.

Category: From The Undead Letter Office