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Cheese French Fries At The Drive-In

Going to the drive-in movie and skipping the cheese fries is like taking a gremlin to the beach and not throwing him in.

Happy children whoop, yell, and swing! Ancient, heavy chains rub against canvas seats. “Creeeak! Clack. Creeeak! Clack!” Toes point moonward, then legs tuck up underneath, gathering momentum. Gathering…now! Lean back and soar higher! Little puffs of dust each time a tennis shoe briefly scuffs the ground.

Long shadows play across the short, patchy playground grass as the sun sets lower, lower, an orange blaze just clearing the corrugated metal fence plastered with familiar messages reminding you to “Drink Coke”.

Tinny music plays everywhere, a ubiquitous echo among the cars parked on the gradual hillside. Cars of every color and description, all aimed at the enormous screen below. Citronella spirals glow on hoods. Old blankets rummaged out of attics and smelling faintly of cardboard and cinnamon are spread over dry grass. Couples nestle closer as the sun sinks behind the tall fence.

Fewer swings creak now as parents corral their kids. Sweat dries quickly in the cooling night air and mothers hand out soft sweatshirts that smell of dryer sheets. Kids gulp orange and grape, wolf down hotdogs. The reverse seat in the back of the station wagon is the perfect picnic spot. Chilly bare feet are warmed by heat stored in that pleasantly scratchy station wagon floorboard carpet. Settle back and lick the salt and butter off your fingers.

Ahh the drive in. And the movie is about to start.

Summer Abides

Snug Harbor SunflowerSummer Abides

Somewhere a lawn sprinkler spits a catchy rhythm to the accompaniment of a thousand cicadas. Yards are beginning to brown nicely beneath the unrelenting gaze of summer sun. The color of baked turkey. Labor Day is next week. One year without our sheepdog Gracie.

Far off music announces a carnival out in the middle of a hay field. A warm breeze of corn dogs and hamburgers, cotton candy, hot sun-baked hay raked into rows by a gang of boys riding on a huge wagon. Hot work and dry enough to choke a skeleton.

Soon the cicadas’ song will end, red-eyed monsters crawling beneath the baked earth to slumber, alarms set for seven years. Snug and safe from the stirring storms to the north. For now just a faint rustle, a foretelling of a long night coming. A murmured promise, a single snowflake touching your spine, to remind you that the season of death is closing.

But not quite yet. Snug Harbor, in its baked orange outland splendor, is still alive with color. The birds still swoop and sing, the crickets and cicadas continue their competition for best thousand member vocal group. Tomatoes and watermelons ripen, children ride their tricycles up and down the hot asphalt driveway with jet black feet, and sunflowers riot in gardens and along fence rows. Summer abides.

Click Here – S.Blue’s gallery of rioting sunflowers

Zombie Road Trip Ends in Crash, Feast

Three local zombies were involved in a head-on collision this afternoon on the 4. Alcohol is thought to have been involved, or at least the consumption of alcoholics prior to getting behind the wheel.Surprisingly, injuries were minor. All undead were thrown clear of their car as it disintegrated upon impact with the a lorry driven by 77 year old pensioner Harold Waxwafer. Not surprisingly, however, the zombies did feast on Mr. Waxwafer and two responding ambulance crews.

Police and bystanders fled the scene.


Beauty is only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Going back to the well of fun ads from the ’50s and so on…

Spaghetti or something awfulAfter his frontal lobotomy, it wasn’t unusual for Henry to enthusiastically converse with or sing to his dinner. Everyone just grew to accept it as one of his many quirks. It became less endearing as the months wore on, though, and was just one more reason that the family finally had him committed to St. Hoolies’ Home For the Haywired. He enjoyed the ambulance ride, though.
Nice assGarrett liked to work out and keep fit. His wife liked it too, often commenting on his “lovely posterior”. But when his mother in law Doreen also began to notice, usually after a few Stroh’s, he decided to cut back a little on his gym time. Doreen later evolved into what is generally referred to today as a “cougar“.
Futurama“Junior, put down that book and turn on the electric dog washer.”It’s unclear what this ad was actually about, but from its context we can make some inferences:1) Junior and his dog long for the sweet release that death will bring. “Dad, does she have to put cameras in all the rooms? Last night she told me not to splash while I was peeing!”

2) That deck of pornographic playing cards Junior bought from the guy down at the railyard was the best investment he ever made.

Tessa was one of those people who would wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m not suffering from mental illness. I’m enjoying the ride”. Even after hubby declared he was secretly attracted to their neighbor Garrett’s lovely ass, Tess seemed to take it in stride. A slug of Glenlivet and handful of Paxils generally brought on a pleasant buzz that was sufficient to drown out the police sirens and screams of pedestrians in front of the farmer’s market.
“I’ll have a Stroh’s and a pack of Camels. What about you, Duke?” “Well, I just had a couple of steaks and a loaf of Wonder Bread for breakfast, so just bring me a wire brush and a bottle of Mira-Lax.”
Elmer the curious duck (not pictured) was the real star of all the Hi Ho Cracker photo shoots.