How a scarecrow gets an attitude

AttitudeFrom the undead letter office …

Our friend, Mr. Clamfigs, writes:

“I was hoping you could settle a debate,( and I hope I win).

We are looking at bruno’s head and the cauldron you used for it, and was wondering how big is it?

I purchased a 16″ black cauldron for our head but my wife said it (my head ) looks way too big. please settle this for us. ( and I hope I win).”

Dear Mr & Mrs Clamfigs,

Contrary to popular belief, good sense, and a very intimidating engineering manual I glanced over once at a college bookstore, you almost can’t have a too-big scarecrow head. Scarecrows are unanimous in this. Scarecrows are also notoriously cocky, owing to their big heads.

You may be surprised to learn that Bruno, of all the gourdish ghoulies propagated by our little horror factory, has the smallest head. Grumble’s is larger, but his little brother, Tater, holds the record for largest head among our scarecrow critters.

Bruno’s head does indeed measure approximately 16″ from ear to ear. However, I removed about three inches of “lip” around the cauldron opening to give it a more oblong, pumpkiny shape, so it’s perfectly understandable that your cauldron would appear, to certain discerning eyes, too large.

So, you are both correct, which is a good thing since a wife or husband that wins an argument rarely enjoys the eventual comeuppance concocted by the loser. Especially when there is packing tape and grape jelly involved.

Or a harmonica.

Note: I just realized that I might have altogether misinterpreted your note, so to cover my bases: If your wife thinks your head looks too big, then I wouldn’t argue with her. Get a haircut, or start wearing shoulder pads. It’s just easier that way.

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