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Beauty is only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
Posted on August 23rd, 2007 by headspook
Going back to the well of fun ads from the ’50s and so on…
 After his frontal lobotomy, it wasn’t unusual for Henry to enthusiastically converse with or sing to his dinner. Everyone just grew to accept it as one of his many quirks. It became less endearing as the months wore on, though, and was just one more reason that the family finally had him committed to St. Hoolies’ Home For the Haywired. He enjoyed the ambulance ride, though. |
 Garrett liked to work out and keep fit. His wife liked it too, often commenting on his “lovely posterior”. But when his mother in law Doreen also began to notice, usually after a few Stroh’s, he decided to cut back a little on his gym time. Doreen later evolved into what is generally referred to today as a “cougar“. |
 “Junior, put down that book and turn on the electric dog washer.”It’s unclear what this ad was actually about, but from its context we can make some inferences:1) Junior and his dog long for the sweet release that death will bring. “Dad, does she have to put cameras in all the rooms? Last night she told me not to splash while I was peeing!”
2) That deck of pornographic playing cards Junior bought from the guy down at the railyard was the best investment he ever made. |
 Tessa was one of those people who would wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m not suffering from mental illness. I’m enjoying the ride”. Even after hubby declared he was secretly attracted to their neighbor Garrett’s lovely ass, Tess seemed to take it in stride. A slug of Glenlivet and handful of Paxils generally brought on a pleasant buzz that was sufficient to drown out the police sirens and screams of pedestrians in front of the farmer’s market. |
 “I’ll have a Stroh’s and a pack of Camels. What about you, Duke?” “Well, I just had a couple of steaks and a loaf of Wonder Bread for breakfast, so just bring me a wire brush and a bottle of Mira-Lax.” |
 Elmer the curious duck (not pictured) was the real star of all the Hi Ho Cracker photo shoots. |
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