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Summer Abides

Snug Harbor SunflowerSummer Abides

Somewhere a lawn sprinkler spits a catchy rhythm to the accompaniment of a thousand cicadas. Yards are beginning to brown nicely beneath the unrelenting gaze of summer sun. The color of baked turkey. Labor Day is next week. One year without our sheepdog Gracie.

Far off music announces a carnival out in the middle of a hay field. A warm breeze of corn dogs and hamburgers, cotton candy, hot sun-baked hay raked into rows by a gang of boys riding on a huge wagon. Hot work and dry enough to choke a skeleton.

Soon the cicadas’ song will end, red-eyed monsters crawling beneath the baked earth to slumber, alarms set for seven years. Snug and safe from the stirring storms to the north. For now just a faint rustle, a foretelling of a long night coming. A murmured promise, a single snowflake touching your spine, to remind you that the season of death is closing.

But not quite yet. Snug Harbor, in its baked orange outland splendor, is still alive with color. The birds still swoop and sing, the crickets and cicadas continue their competition for best thousand member vocal group. Tomatoes and watermelons ripen, children ride their tricycles up and down the hot asphalt driveway with jet black feet, and sunflowers riot in gardens and along fence rows. Summer abides.

Click Here – S.Blue’s gallery of rioting sunflowers

Zombie Road Trip Ends in Crash, Feast



Three local zombies were involved in a head-on collision this afternoon on the 4. Alcohol is thought to have been involved, or at least the consumption of alcoholics prior to getting behind the wheel.Surprisingly, injuries were minor. All undead were thrown clear of their car as it disintegrated upon impact with the a lorry driven by 77 year old pensioner Harold Waxwafer. Not surprisingly, however, the zombies did feast on Mr. Waxwafer and two responding ambulance crews.

Police and bystanders fled the scene.

More

Beauty is only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Going back to the well of fun ads from the ’50s and so on…

Spaghetti or something awfulAfter his frontal lobotomy, it wasn’t unusual for Henry to enthusiastically converse with or sing to his dinner. Everyone just grew to accept it as one of his many quirks. It became less endearing as the months wore on, though, and was just one more reason that the family finally had him committed to St. Hoolies’ Home For the Haywired. He enjoyed the ambulance ride, though.
Nice assGarrett liked to work out and keep fit. His wife liked it too, often commenting on his “lovely posterior”. But when his mother in law Doreen also began to notice, usually after a few Stroh’s, he decided to cut back a little on his gym time. Doreen later evolved into what is generally referred to today as a “cougar“.
Futurama“Junior, put down that book and turn on the electric dog washer.”It’s unclear what this ad was actually about, but from its context we can make some inferences:1) Junior and his dog long for the sweet release that death will bring. “Dad, does she have to put cameras in all the rooms? Last night she told me not to splash while I was peeing!”

2) That deck of pornographic playing cards Junior bought from the guy down at the railyard was the best investment he ever made.

Tessa was one of those people who would wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m not suffering from mental illness. I’m enjoying the ride”. Even after hubby declared he was secretly attracted to their neighbor Garrett’s lovely ass, Tess seemed to take it in stride. A slug of Glenlivet and handful of Paxils generally brought on a pleasant buzz that was sufficient to drown out the police sirens and screams of pedestrians in front of the farmer’s market.
“I’ll have a Stroh’s and a pack of Camels. What about you, Duke?” “Well, I just had a couple of steaks and a loaf of Wonder Bread for breakfast, so just bring me a wire brush and a bottle of Mira-Lax.”
Elmer the curious duck (not pictured) was the real star of all the Hi Ho Cracker photo shoots.

You never truely understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother

Vampire teeth are to a 10 year old boy as a whip and fedora are to Indiana Jones. He can get by without, but he’s so much cooler with.

Meditation is one of those things you learn to do when you’re sitting in a dark pantry waiting for your mom to come for a can of green beans so you can jump out and scare her. You hope she hurries because your fangs will only glow in the dark for so long. One of your rubber “gory gashes” keeps peeling and threatening to fall off, and the trickle of Vampire Blood on either side of your mouth is beginning to itch.

You can hear shuffling around in the kitchen. A clash of dishes in the sink, Geraldo Rivera buzzing dramatic on the little black and white set on the counter. Then silence. Silence. Si——-lence. It’s stuffy, so you crack the door just a bit to see if you’re all alone and gulp a quick, fresh cool breath.

“Wham!” The door flies open and mom pounces on you! “Yaarrghh!” Screaming, you bolt from your hiding place and tear around the corner and out the back door, not daring to look back until you are well across the backyard. Breathless and not a little freaked out, you dive beneath the picnic table under the big magnolia tree. There’s an old piece of canvas draped over half of it to make a fort. Now you catch your breath and think. Hatching plans isn’t always easy, but you’ve got fangs, blood, and Scar Stuff. You’re going to scare somebody. The smell of dried canvas and dust fills your head.


Nobody needs to know about what just happened, about the kid whose mother turned the tables and scared the everliving stuff out of him with one of her Niagara Falls screams. “Slooooowly I turned. Step by step I came…”

Shiver. Anyway, somewhere there is an unsuspecting kid who needs sneaking up on. You pop the little stopper from your tube of Vampire Blood, squeeze more of the red viscous ooze onto your arm and smear it around. Cool. This will trick somebody into believing you were just in a horrible bike accident, or that you got into a fight with a bear or a wolf – no, a werewolf next to the trashcans behind Mulineaux Funeral Home down at the end of the alley. All kinds of crazy things went on back there, and even though you admit that you’ve told a few long ones about the things you’ve seen, you still swear that one evening right before sundown you saw the gray old man wheeling Frankenstein* himself on a gurney up the ramp and through the back doors. Really!

You carefully replace the stopper and tuck the precious tube into your shirt pocket. Making slurping sounds through your fangs, you head out. Three bounds, touch the ground, three more, flatten against the wall of the garage. You hear someone in the alley. Girls playing. Creep to the back gate and peer through the slats.

Dried Vampire Blood pulls at your cheek as you play out what’s about to happen. Deep breath, unlatch the gate. Now!
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* Author’s note: Boys don’t make a distinction between Frankenstein and Frankenstein’s monster. They are one in the same, and the fact that there is an evil scientist named Frankenstein is simply accessory to the whole topic.
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Special thanks to The Imaginary World for the great pictures.