Cheese French Fries At The Drive-In
|
|
Going to the drive-in movie and skipping the cheese fries is like taking a gremlin to the beach and not throwing him in. Happy children whoop, yell, and swing! Ancient, heavy chains rub against canvas seats. “Creeeak! Clack. Creeeak! Clack!” Toes point moonward, then legs tuck up underneath, gathering momentum. Gathering…now! Lean back and soar higher! Little puffs of dust each time a tennis shoe briefly scuffs the ground. Long shadows play across the short, patchy playground grass as the sun sets lower, lower, an orange blaze just clearing the corrugated metal fence plastered with familiar messages reminding you to “Drink Coke”. Tinny music plays everywhere, a ubiquitous echo among the cars parked on the gradual hillside. Cars of every color and description, all aimed at the enormous screen below. Citronella spirals glow on hoods. Old blankets rummaged out of attics and smelling faintly of cardboard and cinnamon are spread over dry grass. Couples nestle closer as the sun sinks behind the tall fence. Fewer swings creak now as parents corral their kids. Sweat dries quickly in the cooling night air and mothers hand out soft sweatshirts that smell of dryer sheets. Kids gulp orange and grape, wolf down hotdogs. The reverse seat in the back of the station wagon is the perfect picnic spot. Chilly bare feet are warmed by heat stored in that pleasantly scratchy station wagon floorboard carpet. Settle back and lick the salt and butter off your fingers. Ahh the drive in. And the movie is about to start. |
After his frontal lobotomy, it wasn’t unusual for Henry to enthusiastically converse with or sing to his dinner. Everyone just grew to accept it as one of his many quirks. It became less endearing as the months wore on, though, and was just one more reason that the family finally had him committed to St. Hoolies’ Home For the Haywired. He enjoyed the ambulance ride, though.
Garrett liked to work out and keep fit. His wife liked it too, often commenting on his “lovely posterior”. But when his mother in law Doreen also began to notice, usually after a few Stroh’s, he decided to cut back a little on his gym time. Doreen later evolved into what is generally referred to today as a “
“Junior, put down that book and turn on the electric dog washer.”It’s unclear what this ad was actually about, but from its context we can make some inferences:1) Junior and his dog long for the sweet release that death will bring. “Dad, does she have to put cameras in all the rooms? Last night she told me not to splash while I was peeing!”
Tessa was one of those people who would wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m not suffering from mental illness. I’m enjoying the ride”. Even after hubby declared he was secretly attracted to their neighbor Garrett’s lovely ass, Tess seemed to take it in stride. A slug of Glenlivet and handful of Paxils generally brought on a pleasant buzz that was sufficient to drown out the police sirens and screams of pedestrians in front of the farmer’s market.
“I’ll have a Stroh’s and a pack of Camels. What about you, Duke?” “Well, I just had a couple of steaks and a loaf of Wonder Bread for breakfast, so just bring me a wire brush and a bottle of Mira-Lax.”
Elmer the curious duck (not pictured) was the real star of all the Hi Ho Cracker photo shoots.