UFO update
2000!
"Aside from their fascination with British
television, oven mitts, and scoopable kitty litter..., E.T.'s find us frankly boring."
"This fantastic
departure from the expected has surprisingly garnered little interest from the mainstream
press."
" -
my neck hair is still standing straight up."
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Amorous Aliens Make Grab For
Garbage
by: Clutch Nicepackage
You can't have watched as many episodes of The
X-Files as I have and not learn a thing or two about the peculiar, and I'm no stranger to
the strange. (Or no stranger than the strange.) Nevertheless, events
in the small town of Tuskbutt, Alaska have lately turned rather bizarre.
Extra
terrestrials have visited our planet for years, and more often now since the July, 1996
Mars Explorer expedition, which I learned in an exclusive interview they found to be
hysterically funny. However, In all our encounters with these beings, there has been
little actual interaction.
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UFO studies
a tool shed
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Aside from
their fascination with British television, oven mitts, and scoopable kitty litter, (we
think they use it in a religious ceremony), E.T.'s find us frankly boring.
Therefore, it has been difficult to explain the unprecedented rash of U.F.O. sightings in
the area.
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UFO hovers over mainstreet |
| A group of
Alaskan U.F.O. watchers who call themselves the Roswell Investigative Commission, or
VICE (They're not very good at acronyms) meet every Tuesday at Boo's Garage and Video
Rental on Klondike Street. Appearing on this page are some photographs taken by
members of this prestigious group. |
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A
pair
of "cigar shaped" objects
race over town square |
The most startling snapshot to date is of dubious
origin, but clearly shows some kind of alien being doing -- something to an
unidentified trash can. This fantastic departure from the expected has surprisingly
garnered little interest from the mainstream press.
An alien
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Since
publishing their photos, some members of VICE claim to have been approached by a US
government agency known only as "Division 8". They were reportedly offered
bags of candy in exchange for a modest brain tissue sample. This reporter has had
some limited contact with Division 8, and my neck hair is still standing straight up.
As for the legitimacy of the UFO sightings in Tuskbutt, Alaska, my findings are
inconclusive. |
We are undoubtedly in the company of aliens.
It is an established fact. How else can you explain "Must See TV" and
caffeine-free Mountain Dew? The abscence of anything that confuses the mind or
obscures the issues would prove otherwise. Just look to the US government if you
need further proof. Or don't, and rely on the ever watchful members of VICE in
Tuskbutt, Alaska.
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